I Feel Too Vulnerable Being Vulnerable!
My mentor keeps telling me that letting my defenses down and showing that there really is a human being under my tough exterior is a good thing.
My mentor keeps telling me that letting my defenses down and showing that there really is a human being under my tough exterior is a good thing. Fuck that! But last week something happened in my team meeting and I thought I’d give it a try.
The conversation was going round and round in circles and I thought I’d jump right out of my skin. I was seeing our crazy dynamics more clearly and I had a new thought: What if I shared my feelings with the team? I took a deep cleansing breath and then I entered the fray.
“I want to stop this conversation. I’m sitting here with a ton of feelings about what is taking place. I’m frustrated, annoyed and, frankly, disappointed. I’m mostly disappointed in myself because I’m not able to have a more positive impact on our discussion. I’m disappointed that I feel powerless to get us on track. Something’s terribly wrong here and I’m one part of that. I don’t have the answers about how to fix this, but I know that I want to.”
Wouldn’t you know it, my mentor was right. I took the risk to be open and vulnerable and everything shifted for the team and inside myself. The logjam broke. I guess I’m going to have to cuddle up to my discomfort. Shit.